From Addiction to Empowerment with Shannan Mondor: Episode 63

What if you could transform your life from the depths of addiction and trauma to one of empowerment and fulfillment? Join us as we sit down with Shannan Mondor, a bestselling author, podcast host, TEDx speaker, and transformational mentor who has done just that. Shannan bravely shares her story of overcoming a traumatic childhood filled with addiction, abuse, and mental illness. We delve into her incredible journey that began with a pivotal awakening in 2019, leading her to embrace self-love and break free from generational cycles of addiction. Shannan’s mission to inspire others to find confidence and strength through self-faith is both moving and empowering.

In this episode, Shannan provides invaluable insights into the challenges of breaking generational addiction cycles and setting healthy boundaries. She discusses the importance of facing emotional pain honestly and the necessity of changing one’s identity to align with a sober and fulfilling life. Her heartfelt recounting of writing her tell-all book underscores the power of vulnerability and growth. Discover the strength found in trauma and the excitement of continuous self-evolution through Shannan’s inspiring story. This episode is a testament to the transformative power of vulnerability and the endless possibilities for personal growth.

Connect with  Shannan

Instagram: @shannanmondor
Facebook:  @shannankmondor
Website: Shannanmondor.com
TEDx Talk: Shannan Mondor’s Ted Talk

Aideen Ni Riada: 0:02

Welcome to the Resonate podcast with Aideen. My name is Aideen Ni Riada and my guest today is Shannan Mondor. Welcome, Shannan. Thank you for having me now. Shannan is a very interesting guest. She has an amazing journey that she’s going to tell us all about, but what I’m going to do is read a little about her to set the scene.

Aideen Ni Riada: 0:24

Shannan is a bestselling author, podcast host, Tedx speaker and transformational mentor. She created her business Fulfilment in Faith to teach others to have faith in themselves, which is the foundation to having fulfilment in every area of life. Shannan overcame her past and used her experiences to empower herself to change. She now uses the knowledge she gained to help others release their past and find greatness within them, to live in confidence, strength and freedom. Thank you so much for being here, Shannan. It’s great to have you here. Thank you from this journey you’ve been on. We were speaking just before you came on about how your self-identity was. One of the biggest things that changed shift was for you. Tell us a little bit about your past and where you had come from, and what kind of person had you believed yourself to be.

Shannan Mondor: 1:34

So what everybody needs to know first about me is I grew up in a household of addiction, abuse and mental illness, and all of that was generational. So I don’t know what happened prior to my father, but my father was extremely abusive and a full-fledged alcoholic. So he abused every single one of my family members and I’m the youngest of eight children and I’m the youngest of eight children and the abuse was so bad within our household that the brunt of the beatings were for my mother and also for my oldest brother. And then my father ended up committing suicide when I was about two and a half years old. But it didn’t stop, because now abuse, mental illness and addiction has been normalized within our family. So my family doesn’t know any different. So what took place now was my oldest brother actually carried on the role of my father, so that’s where my abuser came in. He was the one that abused me.

Shannan Mondor: 2:38

So I grew up in a household where, from like the earliest that I can ever remember, I was told I was dumb, I was stupid, I was never going to amount to remember. I was told I was dumb, I was stupid, I was never going to amount to anything, I was good for nothing. And then, of course, once I got more into my teenage years, the name calling was absolutely horrible. And so what happens when you’re growing up in an environment like that? I had no self-worth. I had no confidence. Up in an environment like that, I had no self-worth, I had no confidence. There was so much shame that went along with it. So my personality from such a young, young age was conformed around all of that.

Shannan Mondor: 3:16

So what ended up taking place was I became a people pleaser. I was a chameleon and I literally let others control my life throughout my whole entire life until I had my awakening to a moment, my awakening to awareness, which didn’t happen until August 17th of 2019. And I am anybody that’s listening to this. You guys know exactly what I’m talking about, because so many of you out there have definitely walked that same path I have there have definitely walked that same path I have, and it was at that pivotal moment, you know, but by then I had already been living a life of addiction. I became a full-fledged alcoholic Absolutely, I did.

Aideen Ni Riada: 3:57

Yeah, one of the things that that background can bring and thankfully I did have alcohol in my family, but not abuse, which I’m glad about there was there was more like different, different things. Everybody has something right, but what can happen? What can happen is when you feel so rejected by people who are supposed to love you. It does create that imbalance of wanting connection but not feeling worthy of the connection. So therefore you felt like you maybe weren’t good enough. That’s why you’re trying so hard to connect with people. Yeah, I can imagine.

Shannan Mondor: 4:36

Oh, yeah, like I had years of suppression, right, and that’s why I let people literally walk all over me, because I would build up a friendship and I really cared about the friendship, but then it almost became more of I wanted others to be. What could I do to make them so happy? It was never about me and I never knew what it really experienced. What it was like to experience that. All I would get is the hurt and the pain. But then I would go into the cycles of feeling sorry for myself Do you know what? And it was just a vicious cycle, over and over and over again. But yet I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want to lose these friendships. So I would always put everybody else first over me and I would always end up putting myself in situations where there would happen over and over and over again. So there were so many different cycles that happened throughout my life, exactly like that.

Aideen Ni Riada: 5:29

I’m curious when you were going through that phase, what was your self-identity?

Shannan Mondor: 5:35

You obviously thought of yourself as a good friend, but there was I thought myself as a good friend, but at that time you need to realize too that I really didn’t know what was really going on within me. How, you know, I was just living a life of survival as well too. Yeah, you know, I would always compare myself to others, because we are also brought up in a society where we are taught to look to the outside world. You know, we’re taught to look at materialism, how successful we are. All of that plays so much into it. So I always wanted to be like everybody else. So I didn’t even really know who I was. I had no clue, you know.

Shannan Mondor: 6:08

So there was always resistance in so many different areas of my life, you know, of course there was the jealousy and all of that as well, too. Right, but how could I possibly allow others to love me if I didn’t even love myself? Because I was never taught that. I was brought up in a house where there was always, you know, depression, anxiety, there was jealousy. I was never brought up in a house where it’s like, oh good for you, Shannan, or where I felt the love, or, you know, hugs and kisses and stuff like that, the first time that I was actually told that I was loved by my mother.

Shannan Mondor: 6:42

I was 27 years old and I was the one that said it to her, and she could barely squeak it out Wow. But that’s also because she didn’t love herself. She didn’t know what that was. You know, you, you can’t give something to others if you don’t have it within you, and that took me a long time to figure that one out Right. So I had a lot of resentment and hatred towards my mother as well too, but it wasn’t until, like I said, I you know, I started to heal, where I could actually see that, you know, and then I could have compassion towards her and my brother, which was my abuser.

Aideen Ni Riada: 7:18

When did self-love begin for you?

Shannan Mondor: 7:23

Oh well, like I said, I had been living a life for 50 years. On August 17th of 2019 was when I had my awakening to awareness. I’d literally hit rock bottom. I’d already been through treatment, several suicidal thoughts and attempts and you know just different things like that, and I, when I woke up that morning, there was just something inside me that was like enough is enough, like how much more can you possibly endure? You know. You know what you don’t want. It’s obvious. It’s obvious. So now, what is it that you do want?

Shannan Mondor: 7:55

And the biggest thing for me was, yes, I wanted to make the changes within myself, but I also looking at my children, because I’ve been normalizing this for so long and it was like, no, I can’t have this for my children. Oh my gosh. You know like they’re going to end up having an addiction, because I could see it like it’s fourth generation in our family. It started with my father. It obviously started prior to that, but I didn’t know, you know, like my father’s parents or anything like that. So it was with my father and then it was with all me and my siblings, then it was it’s in my nieces and nephews, and I’m not saying all of them. I can’t have this continue on. I’m the only one that can stop it in my family for my children, my grandchildren and the generations going forward, and so that was a really huge thing, and it was like I got to figure out what it is that I want.

Shannan Mondor: 8:50

You know, I know that I don’t want to be addicted to alcohol. I know that I want to be a good mom and I know that I want to be a mentor. I know that I want to be a good mom and I know that I want to be a mentor. I know that I want to get healthy and I know that I want to be happy. I’ve got. I want to be happy, right, yeah, yeah, that was huge for me.

Aideen Ni Riada: 9:06

Yeah, it’s such a, it’s such a big permission slip when you say I, I do want to be happy and you know, understand that you deserve to have fulfillment and contentment and joy.

Shannan Mondor: 9:20

Yeah, and the biggest thing, too is like I was, I was willing to now face what was really happening, you know, because in order for me to heal, I needed to really feel I needed to, you know, have my breakdowns and my crying, you know, stuff like that, like I needed to just not give a damn what people thought anymore. And I was willing to do it because I wanted to save me and my children.

Aideen Ni Riada: 9:49

So you were stopping, trying to hold it together for everyone else around you and you started to be really truthful. You started to let them see some of the pain that you were in. How was did people respond to that? Did you? Were you surprised?

Shannan Mondor: 10:06

well, that was a progression all in itself, right, you know, like, yes, I had gone to treatment and stuff like that and I, I did figure out, you know, about a year and a half after I had gone to treatment and stuff like that, and I, I, I did figure out, you know, about a year and a half after I had gone to treatment, that, yeah, I did want to go to treatment but I was doing it more for everybody else than for me because I was still a little in denial that you know I’m, I’m okay, you know I can still drink and stuff like that. I did quit drinking for a year and then there was triggers that ended up happening and then I ended up just going back to my same old self, you know, suppressing drinking alcohol and that again. And then I drank for about a year and a half and then I could see that, like the treatment centre was, and that was just a beginning of my journey, it was just another tool that I put in my toolbox. And treatment doesn’t save people. You have to save yourself. They can only give you the tools and you take what you, what you want from it.

Shannan Mondor: 10:59

Um, but then, when my real journey started. Yes, I needed to set healthy boundaries and stuff like that. But when you start speaking your truth and you start changing your life and start conforming to what you want, people have to change. And people don’t like that because people think that you should be able to change without them doing anything. And the more that I spoke my truth and the more that I was open and honest about my addiction and and um, you know, I wasn’t going to hide anything anymore, people don’t like that because then it’s a reflection on their life and then they have to look at the changes that they make within.

Shannan Mondor: 11:33

And now, now, to this point in this day, I have nothing to do with my husband’s side of the family and I have nothing to do with my side of the family because they didn’t want to face their truths. Like my whole journey was all about me, but what ended up happening is they made it about them and it’s like how I’m still in awe with some things that have taken place. Yeah, right, but you know what? I’m here to save myself and I’m here to save my children, and that’s just how it is. You know, people don’t understand. You know why I didn’t want to continue with them in my life, if they’re still got an addiction, you know, or they’re still drinking in front of me and thinking it’s a okay and stuff like that, and it’s like, no, it’s not a okay, this comes back. I don’t want to be subject to that anymore. That’s not, that’s not how, how it is for me, yeah.

Aideen Ni Riada: 12:16

And this comes back to this idea of your identity from their perspective, they saw you as a certain type of person, and that was hard for them to change.

Shannan Mondor: 12:25

Yeah, and that was the big thing. You know, if I, if you know, I wanted to be somebody that was no longer a non-drinker. So I have to move in that position of changing my identity, of being a non-drinker. And how do I do that? I take inspired action. And how do I do that? You know, I no longer, you know, be around people that drink anymore.

Aideen Ni Riada: 12:42

Yeah.

Shannan Mondor: 12:43

I have to become that individual that does not drink anymore. You know, and people don’t get that. Well, you know it’s you receive in life what you are, not what you want, and a lot of people don’t get that Tell me more about that.

Shannan Mondor: 13:04

Well, if you want to be a millionaire, you don’t hang out with people that are in poverty. You have to be in the same vibration as what you want, and a lot of people don’t understand that. That’s the same thing with me too, like you know, if you want to be a million I’m just using a millionaire as an example right, you know, like when I walk into a room somewhere, I never, ever, ever want to be the smartest one in the room, and the reason that I say that I don’t want to be the smartest one in the room is because I want to learn and grow and get to the elevation of the next level of what’s coming to me. That’s the same thing, like when you’re. If you want to be a millionaire, you want to surround yourself with millionaires because you’re going to start taking on their vibration. You’re going to eventually start, you know, learning things from them and that’s the most important thing. You have to be open to receive through, through different levels, and that’s what I mean by that.

Aideen Ni Riada: 13:59

Tell me how, in the last year and a half, I know that you’ve had this huge transformation. You’ve started to speak more publicly about your journey. You started to create ways for people to learn from you how like that. I mean from the person who was saying to family members I need, I need more space, I need to be away from like watching people getting drunk or whatever, to now being speaking about it publicly. That must have been a big shift in itself.

Shannan Mondor: 14:30

Oh, like you know, I just did my TED talk in January in Las Vegas and you know I got a standing ovation and not a dry eye in the house, right, because I talked about my experiences and how alcoholism and stuff like that is normalized and how I was a wine mom in the wine mom culture and all of that, right, and you know it’s. You know how alcohol is so easily influenced and pushed within our society. And then the next thing, you know there’s addictions happening and then people don’t want to face that there’s addictions, and so it was a really, really powerful speech that I did and it’ll be coming out this month, in the month of June. So there is a process that you have to go to with the. So I carried that identity that my brother had given me all of those years. So that was a generational identity, because he carried that as well and obviously my father obviously carried it as well too, right. But the biggest thing that you have to understand is and you have to go forward with and you have to figure it out is who do you want to be? Who do you want to be and what do you want in life? And then, once you can figure that out right and that’s not something that you just shift into automatically. That’s why it’s called transformation. You have to transform into that individual. It’s a process on my journey, of my process, of who I wanted to be.

Shannan Mondor: 15:58

Then there was other opportunities and things that started to come in. Like I never expected to be. You know somebody who was going to be a best-selling author, and then I’ve got a podcast. Then the next thing, you know, I’m a TED Talk speaker. And then the next thing, you know, I’m a transformational mentor. And then the next thing you know, I’m talking on podcasts literally all over the world and now I’m doing speaking engagements. I never would have thought that like five years ago. Are you kidding me? But once I started with that one simple thing of what I wanted I wanted to be a good mom and I wanted to be sober Then from there I started to get clarity.

Shannan Mondor: 16:35

Then what had happened was COVID had taken place and then I could see all of these people hurting desperately. Right, they were numbing themselves with alcohol. And then it was like okay, well, you know what? What can I do? Oh, you know what Inspirational hit. God guided me. You know what? Shannan? Start doing quotes, putting them out on Facebook every day. That’s what I did, okay.

Shannan Mondor: 16:56

Then the next thing, you know, people are coming up to me and they’re like oh my God, Shannan, you know, like you, your quotes are just amazing and blah, blah, blah. Then it’s like well, thank you, you know. And then, and then I get two emails from two different individuals that were on the brink of committing suicide, and then they were telling me how they looked forward to my, my quotes every day, because I always posted at 6 am every day, and that’s what stopped them, because then they had something to look forward to the next day. Wow. So you see how that was a ripple effect for them that gave them inspiration to continue on, just like I had the inspiration to go on through my quotes. Then I had the inspiration from them I’m going to do a live.

Shannan Mondor: 17:39

So I did a live and I told everybody exactly what my whole entire life was, because they looked at me like I was just this amazing thing and like I, the followers I got was just incredible. Within, about, you know, six months span. And I’m like, oh my God, I’m lying, I’m lying to everybody, they’re putting me on this big pedestal and this is ridiculous. So I had to share my story. So that’s why I did a live, so that was inspiration there. Then, the next thing, you know, I’m like, oh my God, maybe I should write a book.

Aideen Ni Riada: 18:06

So I wrote a book. Tell us about the book, because writing a book is a huge identity shift in itself becoming an author. Tell us a little bit about that process. I have a lot some listeners that are really interested in the creative process and you obviously knew what the topic was. But how did you? How did you bring your thoughts together? What was your process? How did you manage that?

Shannan Mondor: 18:43

process. It was really super easy. So I don’t know if I’m the right one, but my why, my why of what I wanted to say in my book was so strong, my why of getting my message out there was so strong. And I think that is the biggest thing. If your why is so strong, god is going to figure out a way to get it to you. And my why was all I wanted to do was save one person, like those emails that I received from those two individuals that impacted me huge, like I was. Just I could tear up now because I was saving people. Now Because I was, I was saving people.

Shannan Mondor: 19:19

I would have never thought that ever by, by, like you know, being so vulnerable, and my why to write this book. Like I said, I just wanted to save one person. So when I actually just really picked up the computer one day and I’m just like you know what I’m going to start right from the beginning. So I started sharing that journey even before I was born how the addiction was in our family and how my father abused all of my brothers and sisters and my mom, and then it just kind of flowed out of me. Then I started going into my childhood about how I was being abused.

Shannan Mondor: 19:52

Then I started talking about, you know, my teenage years, how I became a people pleaser and like all of it, then my 20s and my 30s, and then my 40s, my marriage, you know, like just everything. You know what I mean and it literally just flowed out of me like oh, like I ended up writing my book in less than three months and I didn’t realize it at that time and I didn’t even realize it until after my book was published. How the book was there also to heal me. Yeah, yeah, like I had no idea because my focus, like I said, my why, was so strong. I just wanted to help other people. If anybody was going through what I had gone through, or endured a childhood like mine, and they were still struggling with addiction or mental illness or whatever, I just wanted them to feel better and I wanted them to know that life can get better.

Aideen Ni Riada: 20:49

But you got to work at it know that life can get better, but you got to work at it. What’s a phenomenal story, and I’m so. I’m very impressed and admire anyone who can write a book, and to write such a vulnerable book is well, mine’s a tell-all, like I do not miss anything.

Shannan Mondor: 21:05

I do not miss anything in it at all, and that was another thing which was really hard for people to understand in it at all. And that was another thing which was really hard for people to understand was the book was about me, my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts, how I actually got to that aspect of addiction. And you can’t sugar-coat it. You just got to be flat out vulnerable and I was so vulnerable and that and I know now that that’s one of my superpowers for sure Like I can, you know I don’t know how many interviews I’ve been on and I just break down. You know what I mean.

Shannan Mondor: 21:33

Like that’s, that’s just who I am and that just gives other people the strength that’s listening to this story as well, to know, oh my gosh, you have to have a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough. That’s just how it works. Yeah, you just have to, because that’s just shedding layers and layers of layers of pain and agony that you’ve gone through Yep, letting it go doesn’t feel necessarily easy because we hold on, and it can be a painful thing, but it is essential to build back up.

Shannan Mondor: 22:05

Absolutely, and that’s what gives you the strength by all those experiences. The power within that pain is just unbelievable and that is how I found my life purpose was within my trauma.

Aideen Ni Riada: 22:16

wow it became fuel for you absolutely, absolutely. There is no question yeah, before we start wrapping things up, Shannan, is there anything that you, in particular, would like to say to the listeners today?

Shannan Mondor: 22:40

I could talk forever, but all I really want to say is, when it comes to identity, identity is so important and I want you to really look at yourself right this moment, and if you have any resistance towards who you are and in your belief systems, you are going to know darn well that that is not your identity.

Shannan Mondor: 22:53

Somebody that has created their own identity has confidence, has strength, has love, has power and is able to really truly love themselves.

Shannan Mondor: 23:05

And so if you’re having issues when it comes to your identity and what I’m saying is really resonating with you, reach out to me, because let me tell you, I love teaching people about identity, because it’s not only identity.

Shannan Mondor: 23:20

You need the also hand in hand, a vibration of who you are and what the vibration is which you grew up in. And that’s a whole other show that I can talk about as well, too, because I was brought up in the vibration of anxiety, depression, shame, all of that, and that goes hand in hand with addiction and abuse. So when you hear the phrase you are who you attract, that is why I led such a horrible, destitute life is because I attracted all of that into my life, subconsciously, not consciously, and once I figured out vibration and I was taught all of that stuff. That was when I had total control of who I am, where I’m going, what I’m doing and all of that now and I can see it, I can feel it, I can taste it I have total control in my life by changing my identity and my vibration.

Aideen Ni Riada: 24:14

That’s beautiful and we all aspire to step into our own power in different ways, and sometimes I think we can feel powerful in certain areas of our lives, and then there’s other areas we’re still shy about or we’re still learning, and everything becomes a new evolution. So I know personally, anytime I reach a new level there’s that little bit of a self-doubt and who is this new me? It’s like you’re coming out as a butterfly again. Um so, and that’s to not feel afraid, I guess, to you know, to know that this is a process. Like you said earlier, it is a process. It is a process and it is a journey, and it is sometimes uncomfortable. You feel that kind of squeeze of this doesn’t feel right to me anymore and you have to like shed that skin to move into the next phase.

Shannan Mondor: 25:07

And that’s the thing too is like, once you get to a certain level of awareness and, um, you feel that fear, come on, you will know that, okay, this is, this is where I have to go forward now. Yeah, I have to go forward because it’s within that fear on the other side is where I’m going to grow, and then it’s not so scary. You understand, you know, and it’s like, okay, you understand it, it’s like okay, I’m going to go forward, I’m going to go forward, I’m going to grow, and then it’s not so scary.

Shannan Mondor: 25:30

You understand, you know, and it’s like, okay, you understand it, and it’s like, okay, I’m going to go forward, I’m going to go forward, I’m going to go forward. And that, like with me, when something pops up like that, I’m like, okay, man, oh, I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it. I I’m not liking the journey right now, but I know that it’s going to open up so many doors for me and this is going. This also gives me the opportunity so I can teach others through my experience, because that’s my whole life purpose. Well, I’m going to do another. I’ve got another experience. It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming Right, and that thinking about it that way is so damn exciting.

Aideen Ni Riada: 26:07

Well, it’s been exciting to have you here on the show today. It’s been wonderful to have you here on the show today it’s been wonderful.

Aideen Ni Riada: 26:12

Thank you so much for sharing your journey, um. I know that it just for from perspective for anybody listening to this podcast. Um Shannan’s ted talk was um live in January 2024 and it will be. The recording will be available, I guess, on YouTube and on TEDx.com, um in June 2024, so if it’s already past that, please go look for that TED talk. She got an amazing standing ovation. I’m looking forward to seeing it myself. I will put all of your links into the show notes, Shannan, and I’m really grateful that you were able to be here today.

Shannan Mondor: 26:48

Well, thank, thank you, Aideen. I’ll tell you, this was absolutely amazing, and I hope that people learned from what I said today, because that’s what I’m all about.

Aideen Ni Riada: 26:57

So thank you, you’re so welcome. Thank you all for listening. We’ll be back again on the next episode of the Resonate Podcast with Aideen. Bye-bye.